Exposed

So, what happens when you tell the guy you've been dating about six weeks that your current primary ambition is to be married and the mother of 5-7 kids? Thankfully, in my case, he took it pretty well ... didn't seem too nervous, didn't run away screaming, still invited me over for dinner the next night. He gets good guy points for that.

It's funny when you have to start revealing those parts of yourself that you don't highlight at the outset of a relationship. Whether it's the breathing machine that makes you look like a space alien, or your crazy anti-capitalist rants, or your blog - all of these are on the flip side of the buffed-to-a-shine image most of us project when we first get to know someone, and it's an odd, nerve-making process (at least for me) letting someone discover the other side. In this case, I'm especially nervous about having him read my blog; less for the things I say about him than for all the other things I say about my mental, emotional and chemical states. With most folks who read my blog, I either am confident that they know and love me well enough not to drop me like a hot potato over whatever I might write; or I'm bold enough - and maybe detached enough - to say, "If you don't like it and reject me for it, that's your loss." With the guy I'm dating, I can't quite do either: I don't yet have the security of knowing that he accepts all of me just as I am, but I definitely am not indifferent about his possible rejection.

By the way, someone needs to come up with a better phrase for a person who you're seeing but who's not quite your boyfriend. You end up either coming up with ridiculous cheesy phrases - "my squeeze" or "lov-ah" (spoken SNL style) - or unwieldy and awkward ones, like "guy I'm dating right now." I need a one or two word moniker that means "guy I'm dating, and we both seem to really like each other, and we're exclusive, but not quite committed yet." Any suggestions? Let's make it a contest! I can't figure out what the prize should be yet, but I promise to come up with something good.