Fascinating new thing

So, you all know how I love gadgets; I've commented before on the awesomeness of my current phone and its model successors. Well, I think I've found a new object for my phone lust: the T-Mobile G1 with Google.

Pros:

• The carrier. The sexiest thing about this phone for me may be the fact that it's for T-Mobile ... I'm darn tired of buying phones made exclusively for other companies that I have to get unlocked on eBay, and T-Mobile's plans - especially for data - are way too affordable to think of switching to crazy expensive AT&T.
• The keyboard. I can't give enough praise to phones with full QWERTY keyboards; I wouldn't be able to text, email or blog on my phone nearly as much without this feature. I also like the particular way this keyboard slides out, although I do have some concerns about the durability of that mechanism over time with heavy use.
• The price. $179.99 with a 2-year contract that I'd sign up for in any case no matter what phone I have? Sold! There is an additional $18 "upgrade fee" they throw in there that I think is kind of BS, but it's still far more reasonable than most other phones hot off the presses, with these features.
  
• Google integration. Google continues to take over the world, but they make the experience of their conquest so pleasant! The most amazing of the Google features on here is the Google Maps with street view (seriously awesome) but the quick access to GMail and Google searching is also a huge plus.
• It's pretty! Following the form of the iPhone, we've got nice pure black or white for the color, and a big, beautiful touchscreen. The additional thickness compared to the super-slim iPhone is for the functionality of the keyboard, which I'd totally rather have.

Cons:

• No video recording capability. While the phone has a 3.2 megapixel camera, which is great, it seems that you can't shoot video with it. And although most of my PDA-based photography is stills, I do shoot an occasional video. Not a deal breaker, but it is a flaw, in my opinion.
• So-so picture quality. At least in low indoor lighting, this phone doesn't seem to take the best quality of pictures, and I had better control over options related to lighting settings with my 8125's measly 1.3MP. With good lighting the photos seem fine, but I wish the camera was just a bit better.
• No headphone jack. Exactly what it sounds like; although you can connect a headset via Bluetooth, but not stereo Bluetooth. I do have a Bluetooth headset, so this isn't the worst issue ever, but it's kind of an odd thing to leave out.
  
• No stylus. This is a problem common to many of the new touchscreens, not just the G1; the designers seem to assume that you won't ever want a stylus. However, stylii provide greater touching accuracy when your fingers aren't doing the trick as well, and they also allow me to still do touchscreen stuff in cold weather with gloves on. The stylus might be the backup instead of the primary touch tool, but I still think it should be included. Again, probably not a deal breaker, but very annoying.

Questions:

• PDA functionality? I am an extremely heavy PDA user; it's the main reason why I have a phone with that kind of function included. I need a strong calendar, contacts list, tasks and notes - much more than the entertainment and info features of a PDA phone, delightful and useful as they are. The G1 is set up to draw the PDA information from your Google contacts and calendar; but software isn't yet available to sync with Outlook (although developers are working on it). I also find that the PDA functions on the phone don't have the same level of detail field as I currently have in Outlook both on my PC and on my phone; you still get the basic info that I need most of the time, but I like the additional details Outlook gives. There isn't a task list at all right now (although, to be fair, I'm hardly using my task list at the moment), and there also isn't a notes application (which I use fairly regularly). I expect that these things will be developed soon ... but can I wait? I did find that there is pretty inexpensive software out there that will let me sync my Calendar and Contacts from Outlook to Google pretty effectively, and those are the two ones that I absolutely can't live without.
  
• How much storage space? If this was in the specs listed on the G1 site, I may have just missed it; but I need to make sure that there's a good size base memory on the phone as well as the option to expand with a memory card. It does come with a 1GB card included, which rocks ... expandable to 8GB.
  

My last question was also about whether or not I really needed the phone; at the time that I started to look at info on the G1, my current phone still worked very well, even if it was banged up (from about 7 too many drops) and required a restart more often than I'd like. It still has plenty of life left, despite being a little slow ... but this morning, the sync port on my phone broke, rendering it basically useless as a PDA. Initially, I wasn't going to go buy the G1 immediately, although it was the first phone that got me so excited that I really wanted to be an early adopter. But while I'd normally wait for user reviews and more tech analysis prior to any final decision, I need a phone that syncs ASAP, so I'm ordering this Friday.

Honestly, I can't say that I'm too disappointed ... even though I wasn't planning to purchase a phone just yet, I was also hoping for a good excuse. Some of the reviews are saying that this is really more of a phone that geeks are getting excited about, because it doesn't yet have all the features that would make it easy to use and appealing for the mass consumer; but I'm a total geek, and all the talk about the open source operating system does, in fact, make me really excited to be supporting this phone over the proprietary platforms of Palm, Microsoft or Apple. I can't wait for all of the apps that are going to be developed, and I love so many of the features of the phone that the ones it doesn't have I can definitely live with. You'll be hearing more from me within the next few weeks about my soon-to-be new phone - stay tuned!

Apparently, I love Mad Men enough ...

... to sign up for iTunes. Stupid iTunes; if I had realized earlier that my DVR was having a recording conflict, and if my cable provider was in the know enough to have the episodes available On Demand, I would never have had to use you. I don't like you, stupid iTunes, and the fact that you make me pay for watching my show. You are sucky! Also, you download to slow. Have I mentioned that I don't like you, even though you happen to be providing me with a helpful service? I definitely don't like your video controls as much as my DVR.

Freak out!

(Be sure to add in the disco beat; it makes everything more fun. :-) )

So yesterday's post was my little mini-freak-out brain dump; in the light of day on the actual 2-month mark, I am not beset by the vast compilation of worries that plagued me yestereve. It probably helps my mood that it's a gorgeous October day and that My Architect (his new code name) stopped by following his celebration in Kenmore of the Red Sox's fabulous comeback. Whatever the reason, the nervous nellies aren't permanent, and I'm continuing to pleasantly enjoy our hanging out.

Silly rabbit!

2-month mark

I did something today that made me feel so like "that girl" in a relationship. It started with a totally minor occurrence: a throw-away comment from him about my attentiveness to work at the moment. But I guess it hit my guilt spot, because I kept thinking about it and then I called him later to ask "if he really thought I was a slacker ... because I'm not and I'm very responsible and I'd hate it if he thought I didn't take my responsibilities seriously; I'm just in a weird place in my job right now," etc., etc. He was good-naturedly puzzled as to why it was bothering me so much and why I felt I needed his approval; he was also pretty good-tempered considering I was calling in the middle of his preparations for an important meeting. I hung up feeling sufficiently ridiculous, and avoided the temptation to make an even bigger deal out of nothing by calling him again to apologie for being so needy. I went about the rest of my day without incident.

I felt pretty dumb for feeling insecure enough to make the call ... and then I felt mad at myself for feeling dumb. I mean, so what? I felt insecure and wanted a little reassurance. What's the big deal, why do I have to feel like I should feel foolish?

Ultimately, it's all part of a more general security shift I'm experiencing right now. When does a trait like calling a couple of times a day to talk about nothing go from being endearing (if it is endearing) to annoying? What happens when I really do have one of my insecure days about my skills or my body or our relationship - or better yet, one of my truly cranky and pissy days, or one of my depressed and crying days? I think I've been pretty likeable of late, but I've also been on good behavior; I'm not pretending to be other than I am, but the combination of circumstances and a desire to impress have kept my crazy to a minimum, or at least restricted to my personal time. I can only go for so long without some of my less lovable traits making an appearance - and so I start waiting to find out exactly which part of my personality will cause someone to get tired of being around me. So there, my crazy's out in the open now.

I also worry about other things, because I like to keep my mind occupied. When do I get to switch my Facebook status to "in a relationship" - and what is the difference between "seeing each other" and "boyfriend/girlfriend," anyway? Will things change when he starts his new job, and he doesn't stop by the office during the day, plus he's busy at night focusing on school? Will he think I'm demanding? Will I think he's neglecting me? Will I actually have to start thinking about all the other things in my life that would worry me if I didn't have him to take my mind off them?

So that's about where I am - mostly normal and reasoanble outside, kinda loopy inside. It's about par for the course for me at this stage. Let's hope that talking it out on my blog gives me the space to think before reacting in real life. Here's hopin'!

"Green" Careers

I'm speaking to a group of minority higher education students in a few weeks about "green" careers, and so I was doing a little research on how those get defined these days. (In a 2-for-1 bonus, it wasn't a bad leg up on exploring my personal options.) I think I found myself once again frustrated by a lot of the standard definitions, like the one used on Monster.com's Green Careers website, because they seem to focus on the environment so exclusively without looking at the needs of people. This gets me off on my standard diatribe: being sustainable isn't just going to be about doing things in a way that doesn't harm plants and animals, it also has to be about doing things in a way that doesn't harm other people. Even CNN's Planet in Peril series is starting to focus on this; the new special report that will air in December specifically looks at the way that battles between people over access to and profits from natural resources are integrally tied to environmental degradation. If you're not also addressing issues of global poverty, economic and social justice, and public health, these battles will continue, because the underlying reasons for them remain.

This is slowly becoming a more common part of the conversation, but economic and social sustainability remain the ugly stepsisters of the sustainability movement, no matter what any equilateral triangle diagram may tell you. The equity piece is especially ignored; while folks definitely want to encourage people to be green by looking at the economic benefits they can accrue, no one wants to talk about ho underlying inequities in our economic system continue to promote unsustainable practices no matter how many fluorescent light bulbs we install or Whole Foods stores we patronize. The effects may be more dramatic globally, but they are still visible locally; my favorite current example is the way that economic rationalizations about good market locations for stores that offer healthier foods continues to prevent easy access to healthy groceries for many neighborhoods in the urban core (and I'm not just talking about organic foods, I'm talking about even basic access to grocery stores with decent food). We could also talk about the variety of government subsidies that make high-calorie/low nutrition food dirt cheap to produce, while organic or locally grown food remains out of reach for a significant portion of our population.

This is an old rant of mine, but every so often I need to rage on it to let out my pent-up energy. And then I'm going to start working on a knock-your-socks-off speech that will encourage all of these college kids to not only hug a tree, but also hug their neighbors.

Uh, duh!

So I realized my trouble, which I actually realized in a professional development session a year ago but didn't act upon as aggressively as I should have: I am doing the wrong job for my organization. If being in my role means devoting most of my time to the administrative and governance stuff that I've spent so much energy on in the last year, then it's not a role to which my skills are best suited, it's enervating and de-motivating, and I'm at the point where it's become critical for me to stop doing it. If my role can be redefined to focus primarily on program development, project management and being the public ambassador and spokesperson for the organization and our values, then I can totally do that, because it's what I do very well and what gives me joy and energy and passion and the desire to get up in the morning. Mind you, I completely recognize the need for someone to do the other stuff, because it is critical to the organization's maintenance and growth. We just have to figure out how to find that person muy pronto, and free me up to do what I ought to be doing if I'm going to be at all productive in the short- or long-term future.

Plotting, plotting ...

Mid-week laughs - and tears

Yet another reason why I love Stephen Colbert; I can't believe I didn't post this the other day:



So funny!

What's not funny? When I predicted that the Red Sox were going to get beaten in the ALCS by Tampa Bay, I did not intend for that to include getting their asses handed to them in Fenway Park. Sheesh, man! I am almost as upset about this as I was about this year's Superbowl ...

(... almost, but not quite. See what happens the following season when you blow a history-making opportunity like that, Pats? See? See???)

Ugh.

I am here in my office this morning, burdened by the crushing weight of not wanting to be here. What a way to start the week!

I don't know how to approach my job right now. I'm trying to will myself to be enthusiastic, attentive, engaged, organized; I have a whole list of things to do. I can barely get myself to look at it, let alone get down to business, and what I do I seem to do at a snail's pace.

I know why I didn't end up leaving my job over the summer, and the reasons made sense at the time ... but in retrospect, I am really wondering whether I should have just left. I feel like I'm coming up on the point where I'm not just unhappy, but about to be ineffective at my job, which I would absolutely hate. The saving grace of my being here over the past year is that at least I've gotten good things done for the organization and for myself; if that ceases to be the case, then what on earth am I doing?

It could be that I'm just having a particularly bad day. For the moment, I'm going to chalk it up to that, and try to get cracking over here. We'll see how the week goes!

Weekend Report

So I've been home sick for most of yesterday and today, but the rest actually seems to be working: my throat isn't as sore as it used to be, and my fever seems to be gone. But being sick has its advantages - I get to catch up on about 3 weeks of DVR, including many, many Colbert Reports. I can't believe I denied myself all that Colbert for the last few weeks; and here are my two favorite reasons why.

Stephen Colbert's interview with Jim Cramer:




The Word from September 23, 2008:



I could watch this show all day ... which is pretty much what I did today. :-)

What I did not do, because I love the Red Sox that much, is watch ALCS Game 1. Sound strange? Well, I'm one of those crazy superstitious fans who believes that what I do here in my home actually affects game outcomes; in this case, I discovered last year that the Red Sox do much, much better when I don't watch. I believe this so much that I spent significant portions of the 2007 playoff season asking my friends to text me game updates, and occasionally trying to sneak a peek at MLB.com via my mobile phone, hoping that fate wouldn't notice if I only stayed on for a second. I'm a little afraid to even chance mobile peeks this season ... but you'd best be believing that I'm cheering in my heart. GO RED SOX!!!! Bring it back to Fenway, and win here at home.

Debate #2: The Debatening

First off: woohoo for Tom Brokaw for finally cutting somebody off when they keep trying to take too much time! Stick to answering the questions rather than trying to squeeze in your talking points and attacking one another, boys.

Obama gets a better grade on that than McCain does, although he's starting to run off the rails again. But at least for a little while, at least 50% of each answer was actually related to the question that was asked. What low standards I've developed!

• I'm glad that Obama gave somewhat of a mention to energy consumption as a sacrifice; it's also interesting to note that neither candidate really addressed the excess consumption problem that we have as a society overall.
  
• Nuclear power is the best solution to climate change?!? Oh, oh ... it's beyond response.
• Enough attacking each other!! Answer the question, answer the question, stop attacking. McCain is the worse culprit on this, but he is by no means alone.
• I am bummed that MySpace is not allowing me to submit a question online.
• Ooh, someone thinks we should be peacemakers instead of warmakers! I'm not too impressed with the candidates, but I think I like the audience members. Let's elect one of them!
• McCain has a curious definition of peacemaking as shedding blood. I'm not totally a pacifist, but I don't include fighting in my definition of making peace. The peace gets made later, and not with guns. I think that's one of the key problems with the way that international "peacekeeping forces" are named and used. Are we actually addressing any of the issues that would help keep or make a long-term peace?
• Seriously, we wouldn't have a time problem if these two men would answer a direct question. I know why Senator Obama thinks we didn't do a proper job in Afghanistan; but the question asked was, "Will you respect Pakistan's national sovereignty?" He did get to the question eventually, and I think it's a pretty dangerous answer ... on the other hand, McCain's answer that boils down to, "I might do it, but I won't tell you beforehand" is still the same pile of dishonest horsespit that it was two weeks ago, although he was smart enough to say it less obviously this time.
• I cannot believe that Obama asked for extra time not to add something substantive to the Pakistan question, but just to attack McCain some more. For shame!
• Can we still start a Cold War without the capitalism vs. communism global line-up? I mean, I know we could start a really bad WWIII, but I don't think it technically still qualifies as the/a Cold War.
• I agree with one criticism that Sarah Palin made of Joe Biden which also applies here to Obama: when you're asked what you want to do in the future, the bulk of your answer should be what you want to do in the future, not what someone else did badly in the past.
• The opinion column in the Metro today was about the almost unilateral US support of Israel, and I think I really agree that this support has to be re-examined and moderated to recognize when Israel is in the wrong. Of course, that would have to apply to our other allies, too!
• It's interesting that Iran attacking Israel is called a "second Holocaust" ... there's a difference between one well-armed sovereign nation attacking another well-armed sovereign nation and a government carrying out systematic incarceration and genocide of its one-time citizens. I'd think Darfur is much more of a Holocaust than any attack on Israel; but of course, those are black people, so they don't count enough for us to act.

I remain less than impressed; I do think Obama gave better answers, though, and related better to the audience. I'm not as irritated as I was last time, but I'm still a little meh.

DWB

So I was in Philadelphia this weekend, celebrating my sister's recent engagement and upcoming nuptials (11 months from today!). There were many highlights in the weekend; but one of the lowlights, unfortunately, was my first-ever Driving While Black experience.

Folks in the racial majority may find it hard to believe that such a phenomenon exists; like so many examples of racial bias, it is very subtle and difficult to "prove" for doubters. But like porn, you know it when you see it: whether it's the way the cop sticks so closely to your car, or the fact that he follows you for 10-15 blocks down a narrow one way street that no one in their right mind who knows Philadelphia would use to go across town. I guess when he saw three black girls in an out-of-town Hyundai sedan late on a Friday night, he figured we must be up to something. He finally stopped when he realized that I knew what was going on, and started making turns to shake him off; I suppose that following us at that point really would start to count as police harassment, given that we weren't actually doing anything that justified such attention.

I'm glad that this kind of stupidity doesn't happen to me very often, but it's also not the first time. I've been followed anxiously in stores, or rapidly approached by salespeople asking, "Can I help you?" in that way that really means, "You must be lost, because I know you don't belong in my store." I'm glad that it's only an annoyance for me these days, as opposed to the more overt and serious ways that such situations played out for my parents and grandparents. Wouldn't it be great if my kids didn't end up experiencing it at all?

Lost in translation

So I'm on the bus, sitting next to a guy who was using his laptop. After a while, I noticed that he'd begun to browse websites in Hebrew, which I though was pretty interesting. Later, he began to type an email - also in Hebrew, but using a standard English QWERTY keyboard, which I found utterly fascinating.

Whenever I think about learning a new language, I think about that point you get to when something becomes more native than foreign. For me, Spanish is still a foreign language, and speaking or writing it is a two step process: figure out what I want to say in English, then translate that into Spanish. Some days that process goes quickly, so I don't lose much time in saying what I want to say; but I am definitely not at the point where I truly think in Spanish.

By comparison, people who are truly fluent in a language are able to do their pre-speech processing in that language, without the extra step. And I figure it must be like that with this guy next to me; I don't know which of the languages is first for him (I suspect it's the Hebrew), but both are essentially native speech modes at this point. What's more interesting to me in this case is that they've also both become native typing modes, to the point where he doesn't need the visual aid of the proper symbols on the keyboard to know where to go for what he wants to type. Heck, I still need that on an English keyboard and it's my primary language; so I'm truly impressed.

One of the great things about mass transit: you never know what you're going to discover on the ride!

Code names?

When you're blogging about your life, there's a whole cast of characters who are not you but may feature prominently in your stories; however, since they haven't started their own online ramblings, they might be less than thrilled about their identities being revealed on your page. To protect the innocent (and the guilty), code names are frequently used on personal blogs to help designate recurring guest stars in a more anonymous fashion.

To date, I haven't employed this practice; mostly I try to avoid using names altogether, but occasionally I slip up and one or two get in. It's tough, because it makes it hard to find a concise way to write about the other people in my world; much like the guy I'm dating nomenclature, descriptive phrases get clunky and irritating. But I also find it kind of hard to figure out what to name people - do you choose something random? a play on their real name? an inside joke? a short descriptive phrase? something serious? something silly? And how do you get past the fact that you feel kind of doofus using code names, like we're all in MI5 or something?

I may test it out on a case by case basis, for some of the key folks. Although it's worth noting that no code will be completely anonymous; anyone who knows me well also either knows or knows of many of the folks I refer to, and will recognize them by behaviors, relationships and situations. But then, if they know me that well, I've probably already told them all these stories with names and relevant details involved ... so it's mostly just to make sure that strangers don't start stalking my friends and family using my musings.

Travel photos - where are they?

OK, so I uploaded all my Seattle and Vancouver photos to Facebook, which now allows public access to my photo albums! So here's the fun for those who are interested:

Vancouver Walkabout
Around Seattle
Seattle Zoo

Also, thanks to my friends for an absolutely delightful first visit to Seattle! I miss you all, and hope to be back out again sooner rather than later.

Reflecting on history

So, I just spent a (large) bit of time re-reading over my entire blog. It was prompted by a conversation earlier today with my former roommate (the nice one); part of her response was surprise at some of the feelings I expressed about how we stopped living together, but she also commented on the way that I seemed to grow and become more open about who I am and my varying reactions to things over the course of my writings. I was glad that she saw that trend, which was what I'd hoped to have happen as I did this. She didn't disown me afterwards, which was also good. :-)

It was interesting seeing the path that my life and thoughts have taken over the course of the years. I am amused at the things I continue to rant about, because I hadn't realized I'd been doing so for so long; but I also enjoy feeling that everything I wrote was very consistently me, and being able to put out a lot of different facets of me. There wasn't really anything I read and said, "Oh boy, do I wish I hadn't put that out there!" or "Man, did I really write like that?" It'll be even more interesting, if I keep this blog up, to see how I feel in another 4 or 5 years, and where I am then. But I don't know if I'll have the strength to read through every single post in one sitting; it's a lot of reading!

Additional point of note: my "squeeze" has also read at least some of the blog, and did not back away in horror. (I'm being overly dramatic; he's a very open, accepting guy as a general rule, and my nervousness is more based on my irrational fear than his observable behavior.) Also, we had "the talk" last night, and it has been determined that we are exclusively seeing one another, definitely enjoying the experience so far, and willing to see where it goes as it goes along. I feel pretty comfortable with that ... no pressure, but the pleasure of someone who likes me back equally. It's a fun and relaxing place to be.

Exposed

So, what happens when you tell the guy you've been dating about six weeks that your current primary ambition is to be married and the mother of 5-7 kids? Thankfully, in my case, he took it pretty well ... didn't seem too nervous, didn't run away screaming, still invited me over for dinner the next night. He gets good guy points for that.

It's funny when you have to start revealing those parts of yourself that you don't highlight at the outset of a relationship. Whether it's the breathing machine that makes you look like a space alien, or your crazy anti-capitalist rants, or your blog - all of these are on the flip side of the buffed-to-a-shine image most of us project when we first get to know someone, and it's an odd, nerve-making process (at least for me) letting someone discover the other side. In this case, I'm especially nervous about having him read my blog; less for the things I say about him than for all the other things I say about my mental, emotional and chemical states. With most folks who read my blog, I either am confident that they know and love me well enough not to drop me like a hot potato over whatever I might write; or I'm bold enough - and maybe detached enough - to say, "If you don't like it and reject me for it, that's your loss." With the guy I'm dating, I can't quite do either: I don't yet have the security of knowing that he accepts all of me just as I am, but I definitely am not indifferent about his possible rejection.

By the way, someone needs to come up with a better phrase for a person who you're seeing but who's not quite your boyfriend. You end up either coming up with ridiculous cheesy phrases - "my squeeze" or "lov-ah" (spoken SNL style) - or unwieldy and awkward ones, like "guy I'm dating right now." I need a one or two word moniker that means "guy I'm dating, and we both seem to really like each other, and we're exclusive, but not quite committed yet." Any suggestions? Let's make it a contest! I can't figure out what the prize should be yet, but I promise to come up with something good.