Humor Fail

A friend just posted this following joke on Facebook. I was sorely tempted to argue with her conclusion there, but I have no desire to get into a social networking comment war. So I'll indulge myself here ... and then link this post on Facebook, so people can comment war me anyway. ;-)

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am,"replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

Of course, the point of the joke is to demonstrate the general superiority of Democrats, and the cluelessness of Republicans that makes political disagreements their fault. Amusing, but specious, for a number of reasons I fell compelled to point out:

1. There's no indication that the lady doesn't know where she's supposed to go; she just doesn't know exactly where she is. Last time I checked, Democrats also sometimes get lost.
2. There's no indication that she doesn't know how to keep her promise (i.e., how to navigate her balloon to reach a destination once she knows the directions), merely that she is lacking a piece of information that would help her complete that task successfully.
3. She doesn't expect the man to solve her entire problem (i.e., take her to meet her friend); she is requesting help with the information she lacks.
4. She didn't blame the man for her being lost; she blamed him for not providing information that was helpful to her.
5. And this is the key problem that the smug Democrat's response obscures: his technically correct data was not something that the woman could use. Perhaps she doesn't use GPS data to navigate; maybe she needs a town name, or a street name, or a landmark, because that's how the directions she has are written.
   

It should also be noted that Democrats are just as frequently full of hot air, balloon-powering or otherwise. :-)

Ultimately, this is a failure to communicate, and it's on both parties. The woman and man were equally at fault getting snitty with one another instead of trying to establish a common language and resolve the situation. The woman could have followed up by being more specific about the kind of data she needs; the man could have sought to improve the usefulness of his information by finding out the kind of data the woman had at the time and figuring out how to adapt his response to that data type and framework to fill the gaps.

Yeah, yeah, I get that it's a joke; but like a racial joke, it's an indicator of a potentially serious underlying problem with stereotyping people who are different from us. The joke will be a lot funnier when the divisions it highlights aren't having such serious consequences for all of us. Which will be good, 'cause I like to laugh!

Waiting for the Kingdom

It's been a very political two weeks - between the Massachusetts Senate election and the State of the Union, I feel very aware of my elected leadership.

This evening's address left me uninspired; the speech was fine, but it made me realize that the power of large government bodies to address our needs as individuals and a society is limited. There's so much about how we interact with each other that can't be legislated. For other things, when you try to legislate them, they become so complex that they are incomprehensible to many - and perhaps - most citizens who might wish to participate in the details of their own governance. (The health care is the obvious, but by no means the only, example of this problem.)

At any rate, I was hit very forcefully with the understanding that real peace, or justice, or safety, or health, will not be achieved until the Kingdom of God comes. That doesn't mean - as the accusation against Christians often goes - that I don't care about or will cease to work and live for as much of that good world as we can find now. But I think that work (for me) will be less about changing policy, and more about building the community of people around me who are modeling justice in their lives every day.

Which is a funny thing to say as a graduate student of public administration. But my sustainable urban commune will be the best managed community in the world!

For the record ...

... I think my posting consistency is hilarious: nothing for two months, then three posts in a wekk, then four posts in one day. It keeps everyone guessing, I suppose - including me!

Looking back, it's clear that 2008 truly the year of my blog: at 133 posts, that's four times as much activity as in any other year. Plus, I was actually consistent; I wrote entries every month, right into December. Plus, in May, June and July, I even maintained a second blog about my family's camping trip. (Anyone who has not read this blog is missing out; it's hilarious, if I do say so myself, and I do.) I was the blogging queen in 2008.

Based on number of posts, 2010 is roaring out of the gate, but I think this month is anomalous. We'll see how February goes.

Redirection

I have to say, my least favorite piece of advice when I am feeling depressed about my relationship status is, "It will come when you're not looking for it." I always feel bad complaining, because it is always so well-meant; but I find that statement singularly unhelpful for three reasons:

1. Dude, I'm depressed. If I had the ability to successfully project and believe in a future in which I felt content and fulfilled ... well, I wouldn't be depressed.
2. The flip side of that statement is, "It hasn't come because you want it and our looking for it." Which makes it my fault that I don't have a relationship because I want it so much, which only makes me hate myself for wanting it too much.
3. Wanting a relationship and not having it is no fun. If I knew how to not want it and be content, I'd be doing that already.

The other advice that often rankles is some version of "Don't focus on the relationship thing; go do other things and be fulfilled." Because despite the recurring temptation to hide out in my house and give up on the world in general, all I do is do other things: Go back to school and finish my degree. Start a nonprofit. Volunteer professionally. Go back to school for another degree. Volunteer in my community. Join a small group. Have lunch with friends. Travel with my family. Research CSAs and become a sustainable meat-eater. I can always find something new to do - and enjoy it - but that wave of loneliness is always waiting in the wings to swoop down in an unguarded moment.

I am going to try a new strategy, however; I don't know how well it will work, but I figure it is worth a shot. All of the above advice is about redirection: trying to put my thoughts and energy into something other than mating. But since I already have a lot of thought and energy going to other things, it seems clear that the problem is much deeper. There is a soul/spirit redirection that has to take effect at the root level of this struggle. Interestingly, that is something I have no ability to control; spirit transformation is God's alone.

So my only option is to try to put myself before him as much as possible, as much as I can remember to. In small group, we've been going through Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline, and just this past week we did the chapter on solitude. I was trying a little experiment on Saturday of not filling all of my transitional time (time waiting, time riding the bus or T) with activity (reading a book or the paper, texting, playing games on my phone), and instead, just being still outside and in. It was hard, and weird, but interesting; it's amazing what you hear around you when you're being still that you don't hear when you're filled with internal noise.

I think I'm going to give that an ongoing try. As a bus rider, I have a lot of transitional time! If I use that time in silence, alternated with reading my Bible, I think I might be more open to God's work in this area of my life. I'm not going to call it a resolution, because I never keep my resolutions; I like the notion of an experiment. My hypothesis: using the opportune spaces in my day for Spirit-time will develop an attitude of openness to and peace with God's will. The empirical method has been described. Results to be announced!

As intense as the Superman ride ... but less scenic

Reading my last few posts makes me laugh - I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm down. I'd say I need to be on something, but I already am on something. Isn't that a hoot? If you think I'm a blast when I'm on meds, you should have seen me when I was off; amazingly enough, this is me being functional.

I'm going to go to bed, so I can go back to pretending to be normal in the morning. Ciao!

Unpretty

So, I was riding the T home from service tonight, convinced that my lack of life partner was a punishment for my many sexual sins. Well, that took all of a week.

In the course of my discussion with the Lord, which continued onto the bus and through my walk home, I was trying to figure out why I had such a difficult time releasing this relationship thing to the Lord's control. The very idea of waiting for His timing brings me such a terrible sense of distress, and that seems strange to me given how much else I have seen God do in my life and the lives of others. When I know the amazing things that happen when He is in control, why am I so convinced that I'm going to have to make my own way when it comes to dating and marriage?

And then this nagging little voice popped up in my head: "No one ever picks me." It's hard for me to believe that one day, without me fishing for it, someone is going to look at me and what they know about who I am and think, "There's a special person I'm really attracted to," because the last time that happened was over a decade ago (in July 1999, if you're curious about dates). That was also the last time any Christian man showed more than a "sisterly" interest in me. I look at my dating life here in Boston since college, and I see that the only time I date is when I put up the big "Available" billboard on the internet; no one else who gets to know me in my regular life - work, school church - ever seems to think I'm a worthy candidate.

No matter what I say in the front of my head, that history is always rumbling around in the back of it. And I wonder why it's like that, and what happened or what I did or what I'm like that makes me ... undesirable. I got fatter, that's for sure; 1999 probably marks the last time I could be described as "athletic," let alone slender. And I may have gotten more depressed; sometime the following year marked the start of my serious adult depressive episodes, after a break during the high school and college years that I didn't appreciate nearly enough at the time. Perhaps there's an air of dating desperation than began wafting off me about that same time, as 24 was the start of the period when I was supposed to get married according to my 20-year plan. Could be a big fish/small pond phenomenon: while might I look amazingly smart and sweet and normal among the pool of online dating ads, I may be only so-so in the ocean of the real world.

Whatever the reason(s), history has me convinced that I have to mount a determined campaign to make myself a dateable woman. For kicks, I'm equally sure that my bedroom skills are the only things about me in high demand; neither my intelligence, my accomplishments, my caring, nor my beauty (such as it may be) are nearly as memorable or worth keeping around. I am clearly the woman you sleep with, not the woman you marry ... which is a laugh riot for someone who so passionately desires to be married.

Of course, it is my fault in the end. Had I chosen to remain virtuous and obedient, I wouldn't have been able to become that woman in the first place. I can hardly whine because my choices have consequences; it's not like I wasn't warned.

I want to hand all this over to God, but I am deathly afraid that means committing to a life of celibacy and singleness, because I have lost the opportunity for anything else. And looking into a future of singleness feels like looking into a black hole, so filled with my own despair and loneliness that I'd rather just end it now. Or just throw up my hands, give up on finding real love and partnership, and resign myself to getting whatever I can, whenever I can. Only the fear of what God will do to me at the Judgment is keeping me from either course.

(To any single women reading this: Don't listen to me. Do not take on my screwed up thoughts as any judgment or prediction for your own lives. Go live the beautiful lives God has given you, and please do a better job at being thankful and contented than I am currently doing.)

I hate myself for being so ungrateful, so untrusting, and such a freaking whiner. Blah blah blah blah blah; get over it already, and go do something useful.

A quickie

One fun thing about having a computer class is the ability to blog during breaks. :-)

It's day #2 (for me) of school; I'm looking forward to the semester. This week has already been stressful - not because of schoolwork, but because of a summer fellowship application I've been working on that's due tomorrow. (I swear I didn't procrastinate; I had a really hard time getting the words together for my personal statement.)

Anyway, this application is making me super nervous ... I want the fellowship so much, I'm afraid that I'll jinx it or something. It's this perfect opportunity, working for a local government agency for 10 weeks, and earning a delightful stipend in the process. I think my application is strong, and the program coordinator said I was an ideal candidate. But there could well be twelve equally fabulous graduate students out there who are just more appealing to the jury than I am. I hope not!

The single life

Yes, 'tis true - I am single. After not quite a year and a half of an unexpectedly wonderful relationship, The Architect and I decided that the end of 2009 would also mark the end of our romantic time together.

It's interesting to reflect on how this came about, and on how I've been feeling about the whole thing since it happened. First thought: given that our relationship started out of a very deliberate rebellion against God phase, it is both a big surprise and a gracious blessing that I found, hands down, the best man I've ever dated. I finally learned what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who cares for you, wants to be with you, communicates with you, and allows you to be totally yourself, without reserve. It took me a few months to really accept that good things were going on, as my blog faithfully chronicled; but eventually, I came to realize that I was with an amazing person who I could share so many things with, and who really did love me for who I am. What's more, I discovered that I loved him, too.

Which doesn't sound much like the opening of a break-up story! But as my relationship with God healed while my relationship with The Architect progressed, I had to start facing up to something I'd known all along: this wasn't a relationship with God at the center. The Architect is a pretty committed atheist, and while that could be ignored when we were hanging out and having fun together, it kept resurfacing every time I thought about - or we talked about - the future of our relationship. I could see us going on for months, even years, having a fantastic time together; but I could never see him as my husband, or the father of my children. I couldn't even fathom a marriage ceremony in which we could both participate.

In keeping with the amazingness of our relationship, this was something we could discuss quite openly and honestly, without rancor. We knew who the other person was, what they saw in their future in the moment, how their worldview was formed. And after many conversations, we realized that despite all we shared, we were missing some critical common ground to move forward.

Out of the best relationship I've ever had also came the best break-up. It was a joint decision, and we both understood why it was necessary. We are still friends, and we talk every day. I still get to keep "his" friends. :-) It was hard, and sad, and is an ongoing adjustment ... when you put two sexy folks in a room together, it takes a lot of effort to stay platonic! Nonetheless, I feel more at peace in my spirit than I have in many months, because I feel like I really trusted the Lord's leading and was obedient to His command for me.

I don't love being single, but I'm getting used to it. It's weird - and annoying - to think that I'm "back out there." The idea of The Architect dating another woman fills me with trepidation. The idea of a renewed dating search is equally unappealing, but I also do want to be in a relationship again. I am trying to adopt a mindset that allows me to trust God with the desires of my heart and not think about it so darn much (= all the time!). I am trying to be hopeful about the potential for a life partner, but also at peace regardless of my relationship status. It's tough.

But one of the best things, of so many, that came out of my relationship with The Architect is that I know what a good relationship is - and I don't have the patience to deal with anything less that the awesomeness I've experienced. It's all stuff I shouldn't have been settling without anyway, but now I know those qualities of being with another person aren't theory; they are a reality that God wants and can absolutely provide for me. Since I don't always learn very well just by hearing, I appreciate the hands-on lesson ... I am much less likely to forget the next time, and accept less than what honors and respects a child of God.

I also know I have to wait for a relationship that fully honors Him, and where He is the center. I know that even the most wonderful boyfriend won't be enough if we aren't seeking God together. I have definitely learned this past year that no matter how angry I get, how frustrated, how lonely or tired or discouraged, I just can't live without God in my life - and that's a beautiful certainty.

So 2010 starts with many changes, and many good things that keep going. I hope it will be a year of obedience and trust that produces amazing fruit in my life. I am a little nervous, but also excited!

Feed me, Seymour!

One thing you should know about me: I pretty much always want to eat. And when I want to eat, I want to eat meat.

Which makes my 2010 dietary change to mostly vegetarian a real kicker. I blame it on The Omnivore's Dilemma, which I read as part of my continuing exploration of my personal and our societal relationship. I strongly recommend the book; I think if you read it seriously, it's hard to avoid taking a deep look at what and how you eat. My transformation began with In Defense of Food, which I read this summer and loved for its reminder of the common-sense basis of eating, rather than all this nutrition/diet fad nonsense. The Omnivore's Dilemma put me face-to-face with some of the realities of industrial food production (both meat and vegetable); some of the stuff I'd known anyway, but I guess for some reason this presentation made it impossible to ignore the health and justice issues behind the way that most of us eat as Americans. So, it was time for a change.

Don't get me wrong - I still love me some meats. And I will still eat it, but only if I know where that meat comes from, and enough about how it was raised and how it was processed to feel comfortable that it was done in a good way. I don't have a moral issue with eating meat, but I think the way our current food system produces meat has changed something natural and healthy into something gluttonous, wasteful, cruel and unjust.

It's a tough adjustment, though; I didn't really plan out what the change would be like. Figuring out what to eat, how to shop, how to eat out ... and I guess I need to tell folks, so they know. I've never had dietary restrictions that people needed to work around, so that's kind of an odd thing to have to do now. I'm also still thinking through the fish part; right now I'm eating it regardless of the source, but I think that's going to change over the course of the year.

I'm discovering that the food system and food justice is becoming a big topic of interest with me, particularly local/urban agriculture. I'm hoping to do a couple of CSAs (produce and meat) with my landlords and/or some friends nearby, I'm getting to know the awesome new market in my neighborhood that sells local food of all sorts, and I'm starting to hook up with urban agriculture organizations and interested people in the area. I have a feeling this is going to become a bigger and bigger part of my life; I'm quite curious as to how it will play out over time.

On the plus side, I just had a surprisingly super-delicious bowl of Target-brand pasta. Cheers!