Ugh.

I am here in my office this morning, burdened by the crushing weight of not wanting to be here. What a way to start the week!

I don't know how to approach my job right now. I'm trying to will myself to be enthusiastic, attentive, engaged, organized; I have a whole list of things to do. I can barely get myself to look at it, let alone get down to business, and what I do I seem to do at a snail's pace.

I know why I didn't end up leaving my job over the summer, and the reasons made sense at the time ... but in retrospect, I am really wondering whether I should have just left. I feel like I'm coming up on the point where I'm not just unhappy, but about to be ineffective at my job, which I would absolutely hate. The saving grace of my being here over the past year is that at least I've gotten good things done for the organization and for myself; if that ceases to be the case, then what on earth am I doing?

It could be that I'm just having a particularly bad day. For the moment, I'm going to chalk it up to that, and try to get cracking over here. We'll see how the week goes!