God listens

So, a lot of time I write on this blog about how I feel like the Lord is far away from me and doesn't hear me. But tonight I discovered a piece of paper while cleaning my room that reminded me of how clearly He often responds in my life.

Three years ago, I was looking to move from my job in an architecture firm, hoping to change my work environment and make a shift to a role that I felt was better suited to my interests. I guess at some point in January 2005, I decided to make a list for myself to help figure out what kind of job I would want and what would work best with my assets and liabilities. Here's the list I made:

My Skills:

• Writing
• Speaking
• Teaching
• Dancing
• Organization
• Administration
• CAD [Computer-Aided Design]
• Graphic Design
• Productivity Software
• Quick Learning
• Affirmation
• Listening
• Mediating
• Visioning
• Logic
• Empathy

My Challenges:

• Timeliness
• Follow-through
• Procrastination
• Laziness/lack of initiative
• Argumentative
• Critical
• Bossiness
• Defensive
• Negativity
• Stubbornness

My Ideal Job ...

• has some authority as well as responsibility
• I get to talk, write and think about ideas and issues
• I get to meet and talk with people, make contacts
• has a flexible schedule and allows work from home
• might include travel
• has good benefits - full medical, vision, dental
• has good time off - at least 2 weeks vacation, 2 weeks sick
• pays enough for a balanced budget with a little surplus
• includes graphic design
• includes verbal presentation
• involves less than 30 minutes of easy commute

Nine days after the date of this list, I attended my first meeting of those who were planning for what would eventually become my organization. (It was also my best friend's birthday, which makes it easy to remember.) And at the end of that very first meeting, I told the organizers, "When you all are hiring for staff in this organization, I want you to hire me."

I ended up doing more that just getting hired; I was a part of the committee that fleshed out the mission, goals and structure of the organization, and I got to write my own job description. My then-employer - who was fabulously supportive of the idea of this organization and my role in it - made it possible for me to devote significant amounts of my time on his dime to getting this organization off the ground, and to supporting me through his firm during my first year of work as its executive director. I have always recognized that day as a crucial turning point for my career and my understanding of what I wanted to do ... but I never realized it was so direct an answer to prayer. That description of my "ideal" job? That's almost exactly a description of my real job, right now.

I know I'm still going to wrestle with questions of where my life is going and where I'm supposed to be right now. Maybe one day I'll find that place in my faith where I can have perfect peace and contentment and a clear knowledge of what God has for me in that instant without worrying over the past or the future; I know for sure I'm not there yet. But in the meantime, I think I can have a little more faith: God listens to me, and He responds.