I like learning

Despite a long week - our symposium is done, and was awesome - I am feeling very charged. In addition to our sessions, I've also spent 3 of the past 4 days at other people's symposia and forums. What has been great for me, even with the very long days, are these opportunities to learn and to have all these enriching conversations with colleagues (new and old). I thought I would be so exhausted by now; I am tired, but I'm also having fun.

There are starting to be more little glimpses of enjoyment and re-energization in my work ... I still don't feel fully back to form, but I don't feel so down. It's hopeful.

One of the remaining tough spots (that I realized just now) is that I keep seeing far into the future what I want to do - like 3 to 5 years out - but sometimes that makes me think that all my joy and fulfillment is far away instead of here and now. I want to change my perspective a bit, so that I can be more aware of the good things that are happening right at the moment.

I think maybe I was feeling very nervous that the symposium wouldn't go well; I do feel a weight lifted and a little less stressed. It could just be getting through a major event, and being able to take a nice breather. I did also get some nice encouragement yesterday; a colleague from out of state who came in to speak told me that I should be proud of how much we've accomplished with the organization in a short time. As I told her, I go back and forth so much - I see that we do a lot, but I also see all these things that other organizations are doing, and I feel behind. It's hard to accept the limitations of still being young and not be impatient. I do need to remember that our growth, and our very existence, are exciting all by themselves.

One last note - I keep thinking that in a few years I'll leave my job, but that might be a false expectation based on past short-term experiences. What might it be like to plan on growing with the organization rather than beyond it? What if the organization grew with me and my interests? That's a whole new way of thinking about it, which is also hopeful.