Shame

This is the saddest Election Day in the history of my voting career.

I went out to vote because I feel that a responsible citizen should be an active participant in the politial process. I chose the candidate that I thought would do the best job. Isn't that supposed to make me feel good?

Instead I feel somehow ashamed, like I let my country down. It can't be right to cast a vote for someone you don't like, don't particularly trust, don't even feel like you know what they believe. I thought he was less likely to screw more things up than the other guy, but I don't have any confidence that he's going to make things better or make them right. I feel like I cheated, like it would have been more intellectually honest to do a write-in for "Jesus" than to do what I did. But that felt like a cop-out, like avoiding making the hard choice that citizenship requires of me. I've voted inelections where I had to make hard choices before, but they never mad me feel bad about voting.

When I came out, I consoled myself by saying that it didn't matter, that my vote wasn't going to change the Electoral College contribution of my state no matter what I did. But how is that a consolation - that I live in a one-party state, where only 2 of the nine contests I could vote for had more than one name? It just emphasizes my basic problem with this election: despite the wonderful freedom I have to participate in elections without fear, I am also in the midst of a system that offers little choice, in which there's rarely a candidate I'm truly excited to support, and I'm usually left trying to not to vote for whoever would be worse.

I feel ashamed because instead of protesting this system, I bought into it; I validated it by complacently accepting its offerings. I want to change it, but I just don't know how. I hope I can figure something out soon.